Saturday, February 26, 2011

About the abortion I had that time, Part II, Otherwise entitled: Men go fuck yourselves

I've been reading about the latest ridiculously racist abortion billboard and of course reading comments about it. And one man, in those comments, makes the original point that women just "shouldn't get pregnant in the first place."

I've read comments like this from a lot of men in a lot of places and it seems outside the realm of reality.

I think it's time for a sex boycott. I think all women across America should just stop having sex. Period. The men won't mind. It's obviously what they want. They want a world where they don't have to worry about pregnancy and where no women can have an abortion, then we should give them what they want - NO SEX.

Or maybe we should tell them to go shag each other. Or even better yet to go fuck themselves. Because if you're not having sex with other guys or various farm animals, then I'm pretty sure you're trying to have sex with women.

That men bear just as much responsibility for pregnancy seems to be missing from this debate on whether a woman should have an aboriton or not. That men often pressure women to have an abortion is also missing. That a woman should not have to bear or refrain from bearing a child at a man's discrection is also absent from the conversation.

And it's not a conversation anymore. Republicans are insisting on mandates that not only restrict a woman's access to abortion, but also mentally torture, guilt or shame a woman about her choice. You must watch an ultrasound, you must read literature, you must see a picture of an aborted baby, you must have a man present, you must have been forcefully raped - not date raped or druged or changed your mind about sex - it has to be rape rape, not just rape in order for it to count.

You must bear your male relative's children if they rape you. Father, grandfather, uncle, brother, cousin, nephew - if you are a victim of incest that results in pregnancy, you must bear the child. After all, it's not the baby's fault. It's the woman's fault. Keep your legs closed, your burka on and say your prayers - then no one will notice you even have a vagina and will not want to rape you.

You dressed wrong. You showed your ankle. You showed your cleavage. You stared a man straight in the eyes.

Men are not responsible for their actions. Men cannot be expected to show restraint or control. It's just their nature. Tits and ass drive them insane and it's all a woman's fault for tempting them.

Men are only the unwitting victims of all women. They have no control over their penises at all. If they say you tempted them, then you did that's all.

Your liberty, life and health are not as important as a man's and the children you will be forced to bear. If your life is in danger, too bad. You got pregnant, you must suffer the penalty, even if the penalty is death.

Pro-life is only for the fetus inside you. Silly woman.

You really didn't think we meant that your life was important?

When I was young, silly, poor and single, I got pregnant. I made the choice to have my daughter - I saw no other choice really. I knew my options and I was truly in no position to raise a child but I was going to see it through and I did.

That was my choice.

When I was older, wiser, with the most caring supportive partner a woman could hope to have, I got pregnant. I made the choice to have that child but that pregnancy endangered my life and I chose to end it.

According to Republicans, either way the choice is theirs.

It's yours.

Anyone's but mine.

And this insidious billboard implying that the most dangerous place for a black child is inside my body....inside my protection, inside my love, inside my mothering, inside my heart....

I would love to meet the person who dreamed up this billboard - who used that beautfiul black child for such an ugly purpose...

And tell them about the abortion I had that time.

*****

You can read the proposed new bills on abortion here.

Ohio House Bill 63
Reverses current law and force minor's to get parental consent.


Ohio House Bill 78
The so-called "Hearbeat Bill". Would have let me die if it had been enacted six years ago. States that if a "heartbeat" is detectable then a pregnancy is viable and cannot be ended. Takes away emergency provisions for terminating a pregnancy. Introduces penalties for doctoros performing an abortion.

Ohio House Bill 79
Prevents insurance coverage of abortion.


***

Saturday, February 19, 2011

About the abortion I had that time

I just do not understand why some people feel they have the right to tell women (or men for that matter) what they can or cannot do with their own bodies.

Yes, even abortion.

Right now Ohio Republicans are working very hard to make it harder for women of all ages to have or make the choice for abortion. By the same token, they are also working very hard to eliminate all the social services that make it easier for women to take care of their children once they are born. They're also working overtime to make it harder for working parents of both genders to support their children and families.

But today, I want to talk about the abortion I had that time.

My first child is Planned Parenthood baby. When I was pregnant, I went to Planned Parenthood and they provided stellar prenatal care - from exams to getting a car seat from the Red Cross to bring my baby home in, Planned Parenthood went the extra mile in making sure I had a healthy pregnancy and baby.

That's not the tale you will hear from Republicans who will only tell you that Planned Parenthood is in the business of handing out abortions to any woman who waltzes through the door in an orgasm coma. But make no mistake, Planned Parenthood is jus the scapegoat for the abortion debate.

Because when I did have an abortion, Planned Parenthood was nowhere involved. This happened in an everyday, tidy little hospital right here in Greater Cincinnati.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but.

I made a choice to end my pregnancy. I knew, despite what the doctor said, that there was a small chance my baby might be ok. I even asked him, "I've read about etopic pregnancy. I know that some women have gone on to have their babies. Why can't I?"

I had heard my baby's - not my fetus - but my baby, my child, the very breath of my life, as much a part of me as my daughter who had just turned 13 and recieved her first cell phone.

My baby, who in the space of a few heartbeats on a fetal monitor was going to be loved and cherished and scolded and sent off to school - maybe with some hand-me-downs from a sister; who was going to be a whole different person from all of us; who maybe wouldn't like me; who was going to be my reason for making cupcakes and rice krispie treats again and have one more round at being a better member of the PTA; who I was going to watch Barney with and teach the "suck your eyeball out game"; who I was going to pretend to shoot peas out of my nose just to make him or her laugh and open wide long enough for me to shove them in; who I was going to see off on a first date and how were ever going to afford diapers and formula because I'd just lost my main job, but not to worry - we'd manage somehow. We always do.

Who I was going to decorate a nursery for and Ye-Olde-Matey was going to have to give up his music studio because that was the bedroom right across from ours. And maybe I'd give up my tiny office for his music studio and move my computer into our bedroom, or down to the living room or even the nursery because hey, I'd be there most of the time anyway, right? Maybe it would be the first nursery/office. I wonder if I could move the washer and dryer up there?

And just when I had mapped out where this kid was going to college - LittleArabella would obviously go away, but BabyWeHadn'tNamedYet, would be the one to stay at home and go to a local college - the message started to sink home.

The baby was not getting what it needed to survive. Heartbeat or not, the fetus - oh shit, it's a fetus again, here comes the detachment; in the space of a sentence, we're back to the doctor calling my baby a fetus- was not developing properly and in his words, was more than likely not viable. Also, more than likely, it was going to burst my fallopian tube meaning I would probably bleed out internally and die.

Which means I had a choice. I could have taken the risk. I could have risked everything and it might have turned out ok. Maybe my fallopian tube would not have burst. Maybe the baby fetus would not have been developmentally disabled.

I could have risked everything and the baby would still have died. I could have risked everything and left my 13 year old with a new cell phone to fend for herself without her mom.

I could die.

And then there was the doctor. Did I trust him or did I trust the little bit I'd read? Doctors have been proven wrong. But he was telling me - this is urgent. We needed to make a decision. All the while he's giving orders for surgery, but he's ultimately leaving it up to me.

And the truth is I didn't want to leave my existing child. But if I'm even more honest, I didn't want to die. Not even for the baby inside me. I wanted to live. And in the end, I chose my own life over my baby's. Not exactly my shining moment in life, but there you have it.

So this about the day I gave up a dream of a second child. This is about the day I lost, not everything, but a piece of me and Ye Olde Matey that we'll never get the chance for again.

How despite 0ver-simplistic reasoning by overzealous republican, this is about how a heartbeat does not necessarily mean that life.

This is about a choice I made to end the possible life inside me.

This is about the abortion I had that time.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Behold: The Power of Cheese!

Super Bowl at Reliant Stadium in Houston. (AP Photo)
Green Bay Packers Win the Super Bowl XLV!

I was rooting for Green Bay. Not so much because I like Green Bay although I have nothing a'gin 'em - but because I am a a bit of a Seahawks fan and ever since Rothlissberger was awarded that non-touchdown back during Superbowl XL, I made a promise to always root for whoever the Steelers were playing against.

And I've kept that promise, last night was no exception.

Bottom line: Greenbay's defense shut Pittsburgh down, gamely letting the Steelers having the ball first and making sure they were 3 and out. That definitely set the tone for the rest of the night. The Packers housed the Steelers with an early lead, one touchdown garnered on a very exciting interception. I took a brief nap at the end of the 2nd quarter and my fam woke me for half-time as instructed and the score was Packers 21, Steelers 10.

The Black Eyed Peas ripped it with a futuristic looking show. Flashing lights all over their own costumes. Fergie looking decidedly Fergalicious- Will I. Am showing how bad, bad, superbad he truly is. Apl.de.ap and Taboo each got a chance to flow on the mic for a sec and then turned the show back over to Fergie and Will with a couple of spots punctuated by Slash and Usher. It was awesome: dancers with square lighted boxes on their heads, dancing their hearts out. And speaking of hearts, dancers in costumes where the lights changed colors and formed first arrows and then red hearts that danced and swayed to"Where Is the Love?" It was a Half-Time show made for 2011. Incredible.

Back to the game. Announcers biased for Pittsburgh. Their entire frame of reference was as to how Pittsburgh was doing and they were obviously aching for the comeback that never came. At one point a Pittsburgh player committed a foul and the announcers were saying how it was OK, Pittsburgh was glad to have him anyway. A Greenbay player made an error and they were saying how frustrated the quarterback must be with him. Too bad for the announcers: Greenbay decided to write their own narrative last night.

The Packers got ahead, stayed ahead and never let the Steelers get in the lead. The Steelers closed the gap to 3 points after a touchdown and two-point conversion. However, I always think that sometimes, it boils down to who wants it more, and Green Bay set foot on that field last night to win. That's exactly what they did.

During the game, we dined on a meagre repast of ribs, fried chicken, macaroni salad, potato salad, corn pudding, mushrooms peas & rice, green beans and lemon cake and ice cream. I'm also going to give a shoutout to Husman's for their No Salt Chips, Honey Barbecue chips and to Tostitos for their Spinach Dip (to which I am sadly addicted) and their convenient Scoops which are awesome, even in whole grain which is all I could find because I shopped late.

It was an excellent game and I fell asleep almost immediately after it was over, happy in the knowledge that my rooting from home for Green Bay had helped the win.


Picure Link goes to Green Bay Press Gazette