11 of 39

I'm not one to gossip, but this Page Six list of 2020's Biggest Celebrity Break ups is the must-read retrospective you didn't know you needed. Always a plus, it's a list you can scroll through instead of a tedious and never ending slideshow.

The usual suspects are all there from Miley Cyrus to Chris Rock, but I can't believe I'm the only one who's old enough that many of them are head scratchers. Who are some of these people and why are they famous enough that I need to know they got a divorce or cancelled their engagement? That question, for one and all, is glibly and easily explained by the captions in the oh-so-careful language of publicists.

The saddest ones are the longest relationships with multiple children. There are a few old heads who really need to just stay together (Here's looking at you Anna Wintour and Pam Anderson.) They're too old for this crap. Then again, maybe sometimes you're too old to put up with someone's crap. I get that.

The list includes the time-honored busty blonde who inevitably caught her NFL hubby in "inappropriate marital conduct" (cha-ching!) but many of the break ups are very 2020 modern. "Quarantining Apart" is the keyword for an impending split in pandemic world.

The most 2020 story of all is Celebrity Couple 11 of of 39.

You think you know a guy, falling in love on a reality tv show and in the the end, it turns out he's a Trump supporting, Blue Lives Matter racist. Honestly, despite how they met, she's the one I'm most proud of. She took a risk, won her man in one of the most gameshow-like ways possible, and dropped him like a hot potato in the realest of ways for the realest of reasons.

There's no way to read a list like this without becoming a little bit introspective about your own life and relationships. The glitz and glamour that is the everyday feeling of falling in love. The real work that goes on behind the scenes. And the final statement as to what actually went wrong. What you say publicly and what's really true, which, for all time, eventually become one and the same thing.

Every story becomes a cautionary tale that even under the best of circumstances, love can go awry in ways you never saw coming or that everybody saw coming. Either way, heartbreak is real, so be careful falling in love. 


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