Sunday, March 11, 2007

Unexpected Tears

I was flipping channels the other day and stopped at Entertainment Televisions coverage of Anna Nicole Smith's very pink funeral.

I was just as shocked as everyone else when I heard the announcement of her death. The subsequent fight over where to bury her was just as shocking and strange as the media coverage of her. The reporters would be talking about the most solemn aspects of her death and subsequent trial, all the while showing pics of her in bikinis and striking sexy poses. It was hideous in the extreme and so blatantly gratuitous as to be shameful.

I suppose that's why E! TV's coverage her funeral seemed almost reverent in contrast. There were a few gratuitous shots but most of the clips shown were of Anna Nicole with her son, her partner and of Anna Nicole and her baby.

They showed one clip of Anna Nicole's mother holding the baby. Anna Nicole coos at the baby in the sweetest way saying, as mother's do, "Who loves you? Who loves you?" And suddenly the baby's solemn expression broke into a series of smiles that were like sudden sunshine after a rainstorm. She grinned right back at Anna Nicole over and over again. The love and bonding between them was so visibly strong.

I lost it. I couldn't believe it but suddenly I was crying, sobbing. The grip of emotion caught me so unaware that even as I cried, I couldn't believe I was crying. While I'd taken what, at best, could be called a passing interest in this story, I have not really thought much about Anna Nicole except for the nearly unavoidable news bits.

I haven't suddenly become obsessed with Anna Nicole but I'm not discounting my reaction either. I love my daughter so and the idea of not being able to have shared all that I have with her - the idea that, God willing, life has so much in store for her...

Anna Nicole was a mother. Whatever else she did or didn't do, she was a mother, who wanted and loved her baby. That all the money in the world could not help her only reaffirms what I keep telling myself: Money is not the key to my happiness. I can only be happy by counting today's joys and not putting off today's happiness until tomorrow.

I don't know what else to say except I have been made aware, through this tragedy, that I am grateful that my daughter and I are both alive and well and together.

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