Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Late to the Party - Divorcing a Man Because He's "Too Nice"

I spend a lot of time online. For all that, it's just impossible to be aware of everything that's popular online at any given time. So I'm going to start a new segment here at DebLite called "Late to the Party."

For my first entry under the "Late to the Party" segment, we're going to go all way back go 2011, to an episode of Divorce Court where it seems the wife divorced her husband because he is, and I quote, "too nice."

The wife explains why she is seeking a divorce. He's a good man, the relationship was going pretty well up to a point and then, she began to feel that her husband was "too nice."

Th e courtroom titters, the judge looks at the wife askance and repeatedly berates her, eventually calling her "trifling and self-centered." Judge Toler accuses the wife of not knowing what she wants and of throwing away a "good man" on a whim. Unsaid are the words, "good black man"  but you best be damned sure that's what we all heard.

Throwing away a "good black man" is a crime that is punishable by extreme derision, head wagging and judging the mental status of the black woman in question.

Everything the Judge says underlines this. I've heard these shows are scripted. I pray this one was, but I don't think so because of a moment where the soon to be ex-wife looks so incredulous, I just don't think it was acting. Also because she held her piece where I would have gone off and she just lets it go.

She has the look of a woman who is done. I know that look. It's that point Chrisette Michelle sings about in her song, "Blame It on Me"

Blame it on me, Say it's my fault
Say I'm a liar, a cheater, say anything that you want
As long as it's over...

 It seems there are several ways we can view this:

The Judge is right: The woman is trifling, self-centered and throwing away a good man for a reason she can't really explain.

The Husband and a lot of people are right: The woman is an ungrateful bitch who doesn't understand the good thing she has and is just plain evil to toss this "good man" aside.

The Wife is right: The husband is too nice, or at any rate, he's not her cup of tea anymore. She's not crazy. She's not trifling, self-centered, ungrateful or evil.

She just wants something more, or more to the point, something different, than this man can give her.

I'm inclined to believe #3. Mainly because I spent 15 years with a "nice guy." And when I broke up our relationship it hurt him, me, our families, our friends, hell even our dog. But it had to be done.

I believe the wife.  My next post will explain why.

Divorcing a Man Because He's "Too Nice" Part II
Divorcing a Man Because He's "Too Nice" Part III

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