Monday, December 12, 2011

Morning News, Morning Skunkcabbage

If you haven't seen Morning Glory, I recommend it.
It's a feel-good movie and nice watch if only because it partly
explains why tv sucks, espeically morning "news" shows.

I read in a book once that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but I've never been able to believe it. I don't believe a rose WOULD be as nice if it was called a thistle or a skunk cabbage.
-Anne, Anne of Green Gables

Watching the morning news shows will make you stupid. I spent 20 minutes watching GMA this morning and I feel like I may have lost a couple of IQ points. All that work reading Plato's Republic for the past two years? Gone. I have to start over from scratch. God help those who watch TMZ all day.

I've never been a big fan of George Stephanopolous, but it was heart-rending to watch him have to lead in a bit entitled "Do Celebrity Men Have a Type." It was a bunch of long-winded tripe that pointed out how several celebrity males who had broken up with celebrity females went on to have rebound flings with women who looked like the celebrity female they'd just broken up with. They even interviewed a therapist named Bethany for this one. I suppose to give the story more credibility.

I kid you not, this was a real story this morning on GMA complete with a blonde, buxom therapist. It was given serious minutes of attention, , that you will never see dedicated to lightweight topics like anything to do with our President or Congress or thousands of protestors across this country, Russia or whatever's happning in the rest of the world.

Again, I'm not a George Stephanopolous fan but once upon a time, before his transfer to GMA, you could count this guy as a "serious journalist". Watching him shill crap like this I just want to ask him: Was it worth it? For the mere chance at filling Diane Sawyer's shoes once she retires or evenetually shuffles off this mortal coil? Because Sawyer, thank God, is not a Katie Couric and she will be doing that job for the long haul, regardless of how much ABC wants to have a man in that seat now that they've gotten over the thrill of trying to have women in the big seats at the big three. Only Diane Sawyer remains in a big chair after this experiment tanked at NBC and which CBS ignored, never even giving it a try. And let's face it: even though Robin Roberts deserves better than GMA it will be her glass ceiling, unless and until they find her some specialty show.

Is it worth it George? Women always seem to get the short end of the stick in this sort of thing and we all watched Diane Sawyer suck up her pride for decades, doing what she had to do, knowing she was better and deserving of that #1 spot. But you George? I just don't understand it. Honestly, I'd almost rather see you slinging the psuedo-conservative bull you had to on "This Week" than selling your soul for garbage like "Do Celebrity Men Have a Type."

George does his best to hide it, but today, like any other time I've seen him introduce nonsense like this, I saw a bit of pain behind his eyes, silently begging the question, "Do I really have to do this again? Not again, God. Not again!"

That was hard to watch man.

At least ABC seems to have a plan and they're working the plan. Even Kelly without Regis is beating whatever CBS is doing with their mornings; (I know CBS has a morning show but does anyone watch it?) and even CBS is looking like a well-run, if not fairly anonymous machine, compared to what must be the fiasco that is morning, noon or night over at NBC.

Long past the days of "Must See TV", NBC trashed their late-night line up in a brouhaha that was covered so much it came in only second to coverage of the 2010 Haiti Earthquake at the the time. What NBC has on during the day or in the evening, heaven only knows - I sure don't because I watch other channels or I'm online.

Then there's the Today Show. It would have been kinder to both Katie Couric and Meredith Vieira to just let Matt Lauer have the evening news. Really. Just let him have it. It would have saved us trying to believe that Katie Couric was a "serious journalist," and it would have saved us watching Matt blindside Meredith Vieria on air for years on end. Only when he was sure that she was leaving and that she wasn't replacing Katie Couric did Lauer tearfully admit that he did poke fun at Vieria sometimes.

Katie Couric (impossible to say her first name with the last, isn't it?) learned to take Matt in stride, and somehow he never seemed to really penetrate her bubble after awhile. Katie Couric also had a way of getting Matt back sometimes. But Meredith is a class act, and it was a nasty business to watch Matt Lauer bully her publicly, from day one, morning after morning. Honestly, it got bad enough to make me watch GMA. Not putting Meredith in the big chair was an opportunity missed for NBC. It would have been brilliant; it would have provided a kick right to Matt's deserving balls and it would have proved that a woman could handle the evening gig at NBC, it just takes the right woman.

Well, now that Lauer has been allowed to run off both Couric and Vieria, Lauer is also leaving the Today Show. Say what?! You mean the last person on the island and this year's survivor is Ann Curry? I tell you, it's the person you never expect who's always the last person on the island. She needs to quit speaking so softly, develop some badass attitude and start getting her angle in for the big chair now.

I think it's a testament to how little NBC must care about the Today Show anymore that the man rumored for Matt Lauer's replacement is....*drumroll*....

Ryan Seacrest.

Yep, Mr. I am Famous Because I am The Most Blandly Gorgeous Man Alive and Will Host Anything For Food.

Ryan Seacrest.

Mind you I like Ryan Seacrest. I really do. Don't you? Who doesn't? Disliking Ryan Seacrest is like disliking a pack of puppies for chewing your slippers. In the end, the cuteness is all that matters. It's like Drew Carey being made the host of The Price Is Right. We all came to realize that despite all his years in standup comedy and having a couple of successful tv shows (come to think of it, one of which was as game-show like as possible without actually having to have a budget) and despite whatever else he has done with his life, Drew Carey was born to replace Bob Barker. No one else would do.

Except now I'm thinking they made a mistake. Ryan Seacrest should be the host of The Price Is Right and Drew Carey should be the host of the Today Show.

If I ran the world, this would happen. Immediately. In reality it should happen but it won't because no one wants to give Drew Carey another heart attack and then he and Wayne Brady wouldn't have a matching set of vintage game shows to host. For every yin, there's a yang. Maybe it's all for the best after all. Or maybe we can take this guy's suggestions. I really think he's on the right track.

Ok. I have digressed into the absurd. Honestly, it's no more absurd than the morning "news" shows and I use that term "news" lightly. More like morning drivel. It's pathetic that they can spend all of three hours every morning telling us nothing except who's the latest missing pretty white woman and who shot Michael Jackson and the latest updates on whatever show Ryan Seacrest is hosting.

Just because they call it a news show, doesn't make what they're peddling news. They call it news, but I call it call it skunk cabbage. It all smells the same.

Hey, just an idea. Maybe they should grab Nick Cannon for the Today Show. After all, he does a great job on America's Got Talent. Makes as much sense as Seacrest anway.


Related Articles:
You're Welcome George Stephanopolous

The Truth About Matt Lauer's 'Today' Show Problem Is Internal Revolt
The Atlantic Wire

The Real 'Today' Show Is Run by the Unpopular Bully Matt Lauer

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