Saturday, January 16, 2010

God Hates Haiti, Everyone Else Hates Leno, Part 2

Haiti Earth Quake Aftermath
Picture link goes to Google Crisis Response page
showing where to send donations

(Click here for Part 1)

The headline resignedly states what is a foregone conclusion: Rush Limbaugh makes racial, insensitive remarks about Haiti.

My underwhelmed response: Well duh. Poor headline writer guy. I know he gets tired of simply filling in the blank after "Rush Limbaugh makes racial, insensitive remarks about (fill in latest issue regarding people of color here)." Can't be much of a challenge to a gig like that.

Faster than NBC could officially push Conan out and put Leno back onto the Tonight Show, Rush Limbaugh was quick on the draw, racing to find something dumb, bigoted and outlandish to say about the crisis in Haiti. He goes for the extra points by completely twisting the words of President obama's White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel's into something utterly ridiculous and hideous.

Limbaugh: Yes, I think in the, uh in the Haiti Earthquake - uh, ladies and gentleman - the words of Rahm Emanual. We...uh...have another crisis simply too good to waste. This'll play right into Obama's hands ...humanitarian,compassionate...uh...uh...they'll use this to...uh... to burnish...uh their...uhm...uh...shall we say credibility with uh uh the black community, in...uh, the both light skinned and dark skinned this country. Uh...It's made to order for 'em. That's why they couldn't wait to get out there. Could not WAIT to get out there

Yeah, that's right. Obama didn't send aid to Haitians because their country is in a turmoil due to natural disaster. Nah, the President is just sending help to get on American black folks good side. And just so you don't forget that Obama is only all about the black people (after all Obama's black, we're black), Limbaugh emphasizes that even light skinned black people must be catered too. Oh, and Obama sent the aid way too fast. New rule: Since Hurricane Katrina, there is now a mandatory five day waiting period and a Dateline special must be produced before aid can be sent to black people.


Fast as he was out of the starting gate, Limbaugh was not quick enough this time. Pat Robertson, head of the 700 Club, had already beat Limbaugh to the punch this time with statements that quite frankly make Limbaugh's racist stutterings look pretty lame in comparison.

According to Pat Robertson, Haiti deserves the four hurricanes and the earthquakes. It's all Haiti's own fault due to a pact made with the devil by the entire country. And if those darkies would just have accepted Jesus, then the tectonic plates would not have shifted and the country would not be in ruins. No one could make this up. Here's Pat Robertson's account of Haiti's downfall.

What's worse...I'd already heard this story before Pat Robertson infamously spouted it. I was talking to a close friend of mine that morning who considers himself evangelical and he was absolutely certain that the series of natural disasters was a "judgment on Haiti" for embracing voodoo religions instead of accepting Jesus. He added, quite sincerely, that he had even talked to some friends from Haiti, who, having moved to American and accepted Jesus, quite agreed.

So when Pat Robertson, without any prompting that I know of from my friend, turned up with this same bullshit, it hit me: For evangelicals, Haiti is sort of a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah warning tale. It's got all the elements that are guaranteed to, quite literally, put the fear of God into any...well...God-fearing Christian. The Haitian Crisis has an all black cast, a plot that encompasses all the action of Twister combined with every disaster film ever made and even a back-story of devil-made deals and prophecies. It's only a shame that Kirk Cameron isn't black. Maybe Will Smith? Nah...he's a Christians Scientist who reportedly has *gasp* an open marriage. Who else could we get...I've got it! Wayne Brady.

So now that's settled, what should we do to hold the like Limbaugh and Robertson accountable for their hellish words cloaked in patriotic, evangelicalism?

I'm thinking that they're tyrants and it's about time to refresh that tree of liberty I keep hearing about and am starting to believe in, more and more. I honestly can't think of better fertilizer than their blood and the blood of their compatriots - Beck, Hannity, O'Reilly...and the rest. The argument can, and possibly should, be made that they deserve it every bit as much as Pat Robertson feels Haiti does.

Words like "liberal" and even "humanitarian" don't necessarily need be equated with "bleeding heart" or even "nice" any longer. There's a reason the left-leaning folks used to be called "radicals" in this country. It's about time to bring that back.

End Part 2

(Click here for Part 1)

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